A husband and father says his wife keeps shutting down his plans for a family vacation -- and now he wants to know if he would be in the wrong for traveling solo.
In a post on Reddit, he writes, "For the last two years, I've been trying to plan a family vacation -- and every time, I've been shut down."
"Now, I'm thinking of giving my wife an ultimatum: either she takes time off to go on vacation with me and our son, or I'm going to go somewhere by myself for a week," he adds.
He adds in the post that, for the last two years, he has served as the "primary parent" for the couple's 4-year-old son, "handling daycare drop-offs and pick-ups, getting our son ready in the morning, and bedtime about 90% of the time."
"I've also been the main income earner (income split around 60/40 or 70/30). As a result of that and general life pressures I've burned out," he adds. "What I really want is something to look forward to -- a chance to reset personally and as a family. But every time I try to plan something, my wife says no."
The man adds that two years ago, he told his wife he was struggling and asked for a vacation, but "she said it didn't work for her."
"Last year, I went on mental health leave/reduced hours for two months," he writes. "I asked again -- she said we needed to wait to see if I'd keep my job. Once I had confirmation, I brought it up again in August. Her response: she was too busy. She said there was no time for her to take vacation during the last five months of the year."
He continues: "Fast forward to now: I lost that job earlier this year but recently secured a new one that starts in the fall. This summer is my only real chance to take time off before starting, since I won't have vacation days again until next year. When I brought this up, she said she couldn't take time off because others at work already were."
Now, the man writes that he's thinking of telling his wife he's going on vacation, with or without her.
"At this point, I'm thinking of telling her I'm going on vacation this summer, and if she won't come, I'll go alone -- and she'll need to handle parenting solo for a week," he adds. "Ideally, I'd rather go with my son, but I feel like if I do, she'll never feel pressure to join and this will become the norm. I'm hoping she'll realize how much she's opted out of parenting and family planning."
Other Reddit users are chiming in on the situation, with some saying the woman's refusal to take trips together seems "suspicious."
"If he has to manipulate her into a family vacation the marriage is over. He should also hire a PI," writes one commenter.
Adds another: "Do not beg or issue an ultimatum. Simply book your trip and go. On your way out let her know when you'll be back. She might get mad because she's not in control but so what."