I tried to seduce Hugh Jackman once. Over breakfast in Tribeca with mutual friends, he smiled politely, passed the sugar - and, disappointingly, did not ravish me.
To be fair, I'd just disembarked a 21-hour flight from Sydney, voice destroyed from a particularly rowdy day at the races, and Hugh, ever the gentleman, seemed more concerned about catching my germs than catching feelings.
In my defense, he was mid-shoot with Scarlett Johansson, who has the kind of raspy voice that makes men weak at the knees, not reach for hand sanitizer. I never stood a chance.
But now that he is back on stage and in the midst of a divorce - starring in an experimental theater production so sexually charged it should come with a splash zone warning - the whispers that have long followed Hugh are rearing their head once more.
'Is he gay?' 'Has he always been?' 'Was his marriage just a sham?'
Apparently, being a wildly attractive triple threat - singing, dancing, and acting - is just too much for some people to process without assuming you're secretly snogging your personal trainer.
Jackman currently plays one-half of the off-Broadway cast of Sexual Misconduct of the Middle Classes, which follows the affair between a professor, played by Hugh, and his female student.
He is no stranger to the stage - and his Broadway roots are precisely what saw his sexuality called into question in the first place. In 2003, he was in a production of 'The Boy from Oz,' in which he kissed his male co-star, Jarrod Emick.
But now that he is back on stage and freshly divorced from Deborra-Lee Furness (right), the whispers that have long followed Hugh are rearing their head once more.
Hugh's Broadway roots are precisely what called his sexuality into question. In 2003, he was in a production of 'The Boy from Oz,' in which he kissed his male co-star, Jarrod Emick. (Hugh Jackman pictured in 2006).
The on-stage smooch sparked speculation about his sexuality.
That smooch has haunted the 56-year-old actor for decades. Poor old Hugh was shaking with a fit of the giggles throughout, but plenty were convinced that they were witnessing his body rattling with desire.
Fast forward to 2017, when a snap of a shirtless Hugh and his speedo-wearing personal trainer jogging on the beach together kicked the idling rumor mill back into overdrive.
While both Hugh and his ex-wife Deborra-Lee Furness have long maintained that he is straight, their 2023 divorce prompted yet more speculation.
I tried to seduce Hugh Jackman once. Over breakfast in Tribeca with mutual friends, he smiled politely, passed the sugar - and, disappointingly, did not ravish me.
Would Hugh finally come out of the closet? Fans wondered. They must have been disappointed when they found out there was a romance, but that the person Hugh was sharing his sheets with was none other than Sutton Foster - the woman he was also sharing the stage with in a Broadway revival of 'The Music Man.'
But here's the thing, even if Hugh is gay - and I've heard the same juicy rumors floating around Sydney and New York - why are we so obsessed with putting a label on him?
Why are we acting like a man's sexuality is a public service announcement, not an intimate detail?
Let's be clear: this isn't about Hugh. This is about us.
Our cultural wiring still short-circuits at the idea of a straight man who's muscular, tender, theatrical and respectful, wears tailored linen and owns a Diptyque candle.
We don't know whether to idolize him, fantasize about him, or accuse him of being closeted - even when he played Wolverine, the ultimate hetero alpha fantasy. (I'll admit, I love the idea that Wolverine might be gay. It would blow the last fragile gasket in the hypermasculine brain.)
But what most people are failing to realize is that this 'straight guy might actually be into dudes' thing is not rare. It's not even shocking.
Ask any gay man and they'll casually produce a list of 'straight' men they've had sex with, like they're flicking through a wine menu. There's even a term for it: trade.
Fans must have been disappointed when they found out there was a romance, but that the person Hugh was sharing his sheets with was none other than Sutton Foster (right, pictured in 2022).
I'll admit, I love the idea that Wolverine might be gay. It would blow the last fragile gasket in the hypermasculine brain.
While both Hugh and his ex-wife Deborra-Lee Furness have long maintained that he is straight, their 2023 divorce prompted yet more speculation.
The other night I was having dinner with one of my friends who is gay, and halfway through the second bottle of red, he casually mentioned he's currently sleeping with a straight guy.
Excuse me?
Apparently, they met on the gay dating app Scruff and the self-proclaimed ‘straight’ guy is in a monogamous relationship with a woman but wanted to explore.
And this isn’t a one-off. When I asked how many ‘straight’ men my friend has slept with he sipped his wine, thought for a moment, and said, ‘About 10.’ Most of them with girlfriends, some with wives, none of them gay - just, you know, curious. Or bored. Or human.
Now, cheating is cheating, no excuses, but what I find fascinating is that some men feel the need to toe this invisible line of their sexuality.
It begs the question: is our obsession with labeling people helping anyone, or just making people lie to themselves?
Maybe the real fantasy here isn't Hugh's sexuality. It's living in a world where a man can own a shelf of Jo Malone fragrances and have a little sexual fluidity without the world losing its mind.
Until then, I'll be cheering for queer Wolverine, and waiting for the day we stop turning someone's bedroom habits into a scandalous public referendum.