The first time I saw porn, I was around 12 years old, having stumbled across it while watching late-night cable TV.
Sadly, the widespread availability of online pornography now means many young people can easily view it at such a tender age.
But even in the Nineties you could get your hands on it if you wanted. And in my teenage years, it quickly became a compulsion.
I'd sneak downstairs when my parents were asleep to tune in to those cable shows. Then I found the unlabelled VHS tapes in my older brother's bedroom drawers and, eventually, discovered porn on the internet.
By my twenties it was a daily addiction, one which gave me pleasure - but also left me feeling dirty and ashamed. It was my guilty secret.
Whenever I was alone, I could lose hours watching it. I withdrew from my friends and hobbies, and refused social invitations, preferring to stay in and watch porn - unless there was an opportunity to have dates with guys I wanted to sleep with (sex had become another addiction).
For me, watching porn became as much a self-soothing mechanism as a means of arousal. Whenever I felt sad, mad, scared or isolated, porn was an escape, temporarily obliterating my other feelings.
But, inevitably, the more I watched, the more desensitized to it I became.
Erica Garza remembers sneaking downstairs when her parents were asleep as a 12-year-old to tune in to pornographic cable shows
Desperate for the same high, I'd increasingly seek out more hardcore footage with scenes that were horribly degrading to women. This only made me feel more ashamed and I felt there was no way I could tell anyone - ever.
The first person to confront me about being an addict was a man I was briefly engaged to in my twenties, who knew my sexually-obsessed behaviour wasn't normal; I didn't know how to connect with him beyond sex.
But rather than face my addiction, I ended the relationship and carried on as I was.
And by not facing up to what was really going on, I found that however hard I tried to abstain, I'd feel overpowered by my desire to keep watching.
Sometimes I'd stop for a few days or weeks - and once a whole month - but eventually I'd fall back into the cycle.
In fact, it wasn't until I was in my thirties - after nearly two decades of addiction - that I accepted I had a problem and finally sought professional support in the form of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) meetings (slaauk.org).
There, I began to confront my negative patterns of behaviour. Slowly, I started to swap sex and porn for therapy, meditation and writing as healthier, more effective ways to cope with my feelings and emotions.
Though I'm not a specialist or therapist, my experiences as a recovered porn addict do make me adept at spotting the signs in other people.
If you notice any of the following behaviours, it may indicate your own partner is secretly watching excessive amounts of porn...
Neglecting other responsibilities
When I was addicted to porn, even my job as a writer was secondary.
I much preferred staying at home and watching it than working or catching up with loved ones. Although you can be a social alcoholic or a social drug user -and even sex addiction can seem sociable because you're sleeping around with new people all the time - a porn addict cannot enact their addiction publicly.
Is your partner becoming reclusive and showing little interest in socialising, where once they'd have enjoyed time with friends, family and pursuing hobbies?
Maybe they're taking time off work, have stopped engaging with your kids or helping with chores, instead shutting themselves away under the pretence of having 'things to do'.
Or maybe you frequently wake in the night and they're not in bed.
Sex-obsessed yet emotionally detached all at once
A common sign of porn addiction is when your partner develops a voracious appetite for sex that has become all-consuming for them - and extremely bothersome for you - but they don't want emotional intimacy. That's to say, they'll happily have sex but they don't want to cuddle or engage in any meaningful conversation.
The man I was engaged to called me out as an addict when I'd pestered him for sex umpteen times in one day but never engaged in affection. Your partner may also start asking you to perform unusual or extreme sex acts that aren't the norm for you as a couple but which mimic the content they've been watching.
While there's nothing wrong with exploring new fantasies in the bedroom, if they've become pushy or insistent, their problem could be escalating.
Secretive about their use of technology
Secrecy will likely shroud everything your partner does: where they've been, who they've been with, or what they've been doing for hours locked away in their home office.
They may resort to lying or sneaky behaviour so you don't catch them out.
At the height of my addiction, I was fastidious about clearing my search history on my phone, laptop and tablet for fear of being outed as the sick and perverted person I felt I was.
This fear extended to being watched physically too; I'd obsessively check my blinds to make sure no one could see in.
If your partner is jittery around their devices - if they seem panicked when you walk into the room while they’re using one or if you try to use a shared laptop - or about keeping doors closed and curtains or blinds shut in the house, it might be time to start asking questions.
They experience mood swings and stress
Although watching porn felt good for a few fleeting moments, the shame and emptiness I felt afterwards erased any pleasure.
If your partner is experiencing the same, they might emerge more relaxed or calm after a period of time on their own, only to become irritable or sad as the temporary relief wears off.
If they're denied access for whatever reason - like an event they can't wriggle out of or a family day trip - that may also manifest as anger, panic or mood swings that seem out of proportion to the situation.
Yet, ironically given the turmoil it can wreak on your mood, many people start viewing porn as a coping mechanism for complicated emotions.
My addiction began at a time I was being bullied at school for being an awkward kid with scoliosis and a back brace.
Your partner may be using porn to avoid facing their emotions, so you might notice them isolating themselves more during times of stress, anxiety or conflict.
If you have your suspicions and any of the red flags above ring true, what next?
It's important to remember that addictions manifest differently from one person to another, and there could be other reasons behind behaviours such as secrecy or social withdrawal.
My advice is to take a deep breath, choose a quiet time when neither of you are busy, or your kids aren't around, then approach your partner without judgment.
This is crucial, because if you pile in with an accusatory tone, they're likely to clam up or be ultra defensive.
Instead, you could try to open a discussion by saying: 'I'm worried about you, I've noticed some changes in your behaviour lately and I wanted to have a chat and see if you're okay.' Reassure them that you won't judge them - you want to help.
When I first confessed that I might be a sex and porn addict to my now-husband, he didn't pull away or shut down the conversation. Instead, he wanted to learn more about what I was experiencing so that he could offer understanding and support.
My biggest fear had always been being found out and rejected; but when I was able to speak freely about my addiction without him judging me it gave me confidence to seek professional help.
Now 42, I've been happily married for 12 years and have an eight-year-old daughter I adore. So if you or your partner are struggling know that it is possible for you both to get through this with the right support and come out the other side stronger.