This year marks the 30th anniversary of the 1996 Divorce Act and finally, we are beginning to speak openly about the subject in Ireland.
For decades, the end of a marriage was whispered about in hushed tones, often synonymous with years of grueling litigation, financial ruin, and emotional wreckage that haunted families for years.
I haven't experienced a 'happy' divorce personally. In fact, my own experience was quite the opposite.
Truthfully, 'happy' and 'divorce' don't automatically go together in our vocabulary. We have been conditioned to expect a battlefield rather than a bridge.
But when asked if a positive outcome is indeed possible, I can resoundingly state yes, without a doubt.
Firstly I want to clarify what I mean by 'happy' in this context.
It isn't a joyous celebration or a lack of sadness; rather it is a functional peace. It is the clarity that comes when two people decide that their mutual respect is more valuable than their grievances.
In short, a happy divorce isn't about the absence of pain - it's about the absence of hostility and the presence of a healthy path forward.
Here are some steps for couples to take in order to facilitate a healthier happy divorce.
A reality check - the Irish courts system
IT IS essential that we are fully aware of the family law system in Ireland. Family law has been traditionally operated in Ireland using solicitors and barristers.
This system of taking proceedings against the other party has been inherently adversarial.
The system itself creates cases against the other party, builds on hurt and exacerbates conflicts.
This, in turn, creates a hostile environment for individuals, who more often than not are taking on the task of co-parenting and already under huge financial pressure.
It is a system that does not deal with the emotional hurt of the parties and does not allow for moral judgement.
Family Law in Ireland is referred to as 'No Fault'. What that means is that parties are not punished for moral wrongdoings.
If you are looking for an apology, you will be disappointed. Family courts are designed to settle disputes, not to heal hearts or to deal with emotional trauma.
Having this knowledge - and a full, clear understanding the potential damage, high costs and the real effects on our mental health and the mental health of our children, is in my opinion essential information required in choosing the correct path when dealing with your divorce in 2026.
Beyond the legal definitions, we must also look at the physical and structural reality of this path.
The court environment is designed for litigation, not typically for conciliatory talks. It is a formal structure where families often find themselves waiting in crowed corridors, discussing their most private and heartbreaking matters in a setting that can be both daunting and overwhelming.
This environment elevates stress levels making it incredibly difficult to maintain the calm, clear-headed state of mind required to make lifelong decisions for yourself and your children.
Clients have often referred to this experience in the courts as making them feel like criminals.
The process of dealing with the difficult breakdown of our relationship should not require for the parties to feel like they are on trial.
Mindset amidst the grief of a breakup
I know how heavy this sounds. To speak of mindsets and shifts can feel almost clinical when you are standing in the wreckage of your life.
The rug has been pulled from under you, promises made have vanished into thin air. The pain is visceral; it's a grief for something that was to happen, for someone who is still alive. It's hard to imagine you have to face what has appeared in front of you.
The tears have been constant; you can't even believe that it was possible to cry so much. Now it seems you now have to deal with a task in life that no one would choose.
But it is precisely because this hurt is so deep that the mindset shift is so important. It is your lifeline.
If you allow the grief to turn into a permanent residence of resentment, the system will consume you. The power of the mindset shift isn't about ignoring the pain. It's about deciding the pain will not be an architect of your future.
Mediator Michelle Browne says that it's important not to let your divorce define you
It is a brave, exhausting choice to separate your 'grieving self' from the 'decision-making self'. It may or may not have been your choice to end your marriage; however it is your choice in how you deal with your divorce.
It is important to remember that when we are dealing with the grief of our marriage breakdown, it is natural to want to lash out or to use the legal system as a shield for our pain.
However, the mindset shift I am proposing is to consider is one of self-preservation.
It is about recognising that while we are grieving or hurt and may need space and support to heal.
We may also have to choose to pause or park matters that we know have caused emotional damage.
Knowing that you have the ability to create an agreement rather than a case is entirely within your control. Choosing a system to facilitate the best outcome for your family is positive and powerful. You can choose an amicable and dignified route for your divorce.
The power of mediation
In 1996, the Divorce Act finally allowed us to legally end marriages in Ireland, but for decades, the path to divorce was a litigious one.
We were given a system that required us to be adversaries before we could be free. However in 2018, the commencement of the Mediation Act 2017 signalled a profound shift in our social and legal landscape.
The Mediation Act legislated for a path to divorce that dealt with legal separation outside of court, that allowed for a professional to manage the parties divorce in the most amicable way possible.
The Act assisted in shifting the way we address divorce. When parties approach divorce with the assistance of a Mediator it immediately shifts from 'I'll see you in court' to 'we need to find a way forward'.
Mediation works by understanding what is possible, creating a workable agreement for two parties in the best interest of any children that may be involved.
The Mediation Act mandates that solicitors must advise their clients to consider mediation.
The power of mediation lies in its ability to handle the unspoken elements of a breakup. I have often said the courts deal in the technical matters of divorce; mediation deals with the human side.
The process is voluntary and confidential which creates a safe space for the living grief.
Mediation allows for the nuances of a child's birthday, the care of a family pet or an important sentimental item.
It allows for the parties to design an agreement in the best interest of their family. Mediation creates a fundamental shift in perspective.
It moves parties away from the idea of winning and towards a goal of restructuring a new way forward.
In a traditional divorce, we have been setting up cases against our ex-spouses, desiring to deal with hurt, betrayal and deep emotional pain. Mediation allows for a future in the best interest of all parties.
Parenting through divorce
When I think about the concept of a 'happy divorce' it is impossible not to think of our children.
They are our most precious shared priority, and we both know they are directly shaped by the choices we make during this transition.
This is the one area that both parties always agree upon. Children must come first.
To put this in perspective, it was not that long ago that parents drove in cars with their children without seatbelts, or smoked with infants in their arms.
Those parents weren't bad parents; they simply lacked that data that we have today regarding the long term effects of those choices.
Now that we know better, we go to great lengths to ensure our children are secure in their correctly fitted car seats and we wouldn't dream of exposing our baby's to second hand smoke.
We have updated our standards because our understanding of safety.
In 2026 we have reached a similar turning point regarding the emotional safety of our families.
We can no longer ignore the documented psychological toll that protracted court cases and adversarial legal battles take on a child's development and wellbeing.
Just as we protect their physical health with seat belts, we must protect their emotional health by choosing a path of co-operation.
By accepting and understanding that our children are directly impacted by the decisions we make in dealing with our divorces we are choosing to prioritise our children. It is not about the change in family dynamic that will hurt our children; it is how we go about it.
We cannot ignore the negative impact that protracted cases have on our families any longer. The knowledge we have in today's society must inform our choices in how we deal with divorce.
The grounded perspective
If I was to give some practical advice at this time, it's this.
- Mind yourself so well. What advice would you give your loved one, your best friend, your sister or brother? Give it to yourself.
- Don't let the hurt and emotions of others fuel decisions at really difficult junctions.
- Exercise, even if it's just a walk. You need to release the stress now more than ever. Don't drink too much; the idea that we can numb the pain doesn’t seem like a bad one but you know that you need a clear head.
- Be extra kind to yourself. Remember what's important to you. Recentre and refocus. Life after divorce is a new chapter that you have yet to write.
After witnessing the outcomes of countless hours of mediation for separating couples, the best route to divorce for 2026 is crystal clear to me.
I know this is easy for me to say from my vantage point; it's a perspective I acquired through a long and difficult journey.
While I know it isn't quite as simple as getting the right information, I stand by the fact that knowledge is power and understanding the process to divorce in Ireland and the choices we have is key.
But it boils down to this; there is an extremely difficult damaging expensive route; and then there is a less difficult but manageable route.
The financial costs in the traditional court system could easily cost couples upwards from €50,000; takes years; with fallouts lasting decades.
A mediated settlement can take couples months; with approximate cost €5,000; it also allows couple share coffee when completed agreement; navigate new path forward.
Writing your new chapter
ONE chapter ends and a new one begins. Your new story has yet to be written. It is so important to remember that you are now entering a new beginning; Divorce is no longer viewed by society as a failure and nor should it be by you. While the complexities of divorce are daunting, they also offer a sense of profound opportunity for a fresh start.
By approaching your divorce with informed decisions and an effective approach you can have a positive happy end to one chapter and a purposeful start of to the next. This is your time to redefine what you want your life to look like.
It isn't just about the paperwork or the division of assets; it's about reclaiming your independence and setting the foundation for your future security.
You have navigated the hardest part; now you have the chance to build a life on new terms. Don't rush; but don't let your divorce define you.
Take the lessons learned and leave the hurt and heartache behind you.