"The most important thing is that it's funded," socialist mayoral wannabe Zohran Mamdani blurred at an "affordability"-themed campaign event Monday, insisting his $10 billion "free stuff" agenda will go ahead no matter what.
He'll find the money somewhere, he vows: If not from tax hikes, then from "a better-than-expected assessment" (which sounds like property-tax hikes under another name, perhaps the ones he's discussed imposing on "richer and whiter" 'hoods), or some other surprise "pot of money" (cue the leprechaun hunt) or mysterious "savings" (maybe from the NYPD budget?).
Fact is, the funding mechanism fits right in with his $10 billion price tag for the goodies and the supposed per-person benefits his campaign will "calculate" for you.
It's all fantasy math, as bogus as three-card monte.
Start small: He says his free bus plan will cost just $700 million, but that doesn't consider what the MTA would lose from subway revenues, its expenses for new buses and drivers to handle soaring bus ridership or a host of other foreseeable issues.
There's a reason other cities that tried free municipal (as opposed to tourist) buses gave up on the experiment.
To be fair, he doesn't need city cash to impose his rent freeze -- but that will only cover roughly a million rent-stabilized units, and imposes costs he doesn't want to face: pushing up rents on market-rate apartments, ensuring decay in buildings that get hit hard by the freeze, risking that the US Supreme Court will toss the rent laws altogether once he's made the system so nakedly political.
Of course, his biggest freebie is no-fee universal child care, which his campaign's dodgy "calculator" widget says will save parents $22,000 a year for just one child.
But if it takes off, it'll cost even more than the $6 billion a year he estimates, since city day-care already pays workers as unionized teachers -- meaning six-figure salaries, vastly above what "normal" day care centers can pay.
And if he's dropping the ages covered below the current 3-K programs, he's inviting more trouble: Caring for infants and toddlers still in diapers is vastly more labor-intensive, if you're to have any quality standards at all.
But that's just half the story.
Zoh's fantasy math also ignores the grim fact that city spending outpaces revenue now; the first thing he'll have to do as mayor is close budget gaps estimated at $17 billion over his first three years, which is sure to be exacerbated by federal cuts.
Mamdani's vowed to confront President Donald Trump, not sweet-talk him into reversing those savings.
Making life in the Big Apple more affordable is a fantastic goal, and Mamdani showed real smarts in adopting it as his campaign centerpiece.
It's too bad that he's put zero thought into how he can actually deliver on most of his agenda, but his only priority now is getting elected -- and on that front, fantasy math is working great so far.