A man says his fiancée is upset that he plans to move into their new apartment before her -- and he's not sure who is in the wrong.
The 30-year-old detailed his story on the popular Reddit forum, "Am I the A------," a place where people can go to seek advice about interpersonal dilemmas. In his post, the man said that he and his 27-year-old fiancée bought an apartment together the previous year and have spent "about six months and a lot of money to get the apartment ready and habitable."
He said they have been living separately with their parents while they worked on the apartment and that they finally finished the last few renovations needed to make the place move-in ready.
"Recently, I brought up that once it is habitable, I am planning to move in," the original poster (OP) said.
However, he said that his fiancée seemed "taken aback" by the comment and told him, "It is OUR place, and we should move in together."
"While I do agree with her that it is our home, I don't really see anything wrong with moving in before her, as it would also allow me to help her move in," the OP continued, adding that he is "very unhappy" with his current living situation and "cannot wait" to move out.
The Redditor also explained that his fiancée has been unable to focus on move prep because she has her hands full with work and studies. He, however, has already been bringing over some of his items and non-essentials to the new place.
"She gets upset at the thought of [me] living in our apartment by myself without her there," he said, adding, "I just can't stand the thought of having a 'ready-to-move-into' apartment and not being able to move in just because she gets upset at not moving in at the same time."
"I'm torn on whether I should insist on moving without her and wait for her there, or if I should just wait it out a bit longer until she is in a position to be able to move," he continued.
"She also has not provided a date or a general idea of when she would be able to move, which also concerns me a bit," he added before asking, "WIBTA [would I be the a------] if I insist on moving in when I am ready and [have] packed up everything?"
The majority of commenters said they could see the situation from both perspectives and that no one is entirely at fault.
"NAH [no a------ here]," one person said. "She has a specific vision in her head of a big romantic moment, and given how big a moment it would really be, it's perfectly understandable. You're not wrong for wanting to move into the living space you now have, either. Try to work with her to develop a new Big Romantic Plan that involves you being there first."
Another person said, "She probably has a vision of decorating, arranging furniture, window dressings, decor. It's going to be harder to do if your things are already there. Find out which specific thing is disappointing [to her] about you moving in first."
The same person added, "Maybe there's a compromise where you move in some basics like bed, couch, etc., and keep most things packed so that there can still be the excitement of her plans and vision."