Robert Cosby Jr., the son of 'Real Housewives of Salt Lake City' star Mary Cosby, has died at the age of 23. Andy Cohen and more pay tribute.
On Sunday, Feb. 23, two public figures experienced devastating losses. Actor and comedian Martin Short's 42-year-old daughter, Katherine, died by suicide. Robert Cosby Jr., the 23-year-old son of "Real Housewives of Salt Lake City" star Mary Cosby, also died. His cause of death has not yet been confirmed, but Salt Lake City police said that authorities had responded to an overdose call.
Grief can look different for every loss and individual depending on the relationship, cultural context, prior losses and the circumstances of the loss, according to Jessica Stacy, a licensed therapist who specializes in grief. But when a parent loses an adult child, the grief can "feel disorienting" because it "disrupts the expected life sequence," says Stacy.
Many parents, she explains, carry an implicit belief that they will die before their children.
"When that narrative is shattered," Stacy says, "it can create not only profound sadness but also existential disorientation, or a feeling that the world no longer makes sense."
The unconventional grief of suicide or overdose loss
When someone dies from suicide or an overdose, grief can be "tangled in stigma," says Gina Moffa, a grief therapist and author of "Moving on Doesn't Mean Letting Go."
Loved ones may also scramble to look for missed signs or ask themselves if they could have done more to prevent the loss. While suicide is preventable through education and public health interventions, no one is to blame for a suicide loss.
"This kind of grief can feel isolating because others don't always know what to say, or they say the wrong thing," Moffa says. "When grief isn't mirrored back with compassion, it can turn inward into depression over time."
Stacy says parents who lose an adult child may also experience complex guilt or self-questioning. They may replay past decisions or feel regret about unresolved tensions in their relationship if applicable. Additionally, because the child was an independent adult, Stacy says others may minimize the loss ("at least it wasn't a young kid" or, "at least you had more time together"), which can leave the parent feeling "isolated or unseen in their pain."
Resources are available for suicide loss survivors. Mental health organizations like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offer referrals to suicide bereavement-trained clinicians and support groups for others who have lost a loved one to suicide.
Grief is something to 'integrate into your life' over time
Moffa says the first step in navigating grief is to stop outrunning it. To allow it to move in waves rather than in straight lines.
"Grief needs safety and witnessing; it doesn't need fixing. It asks to be named. Located. Felt in the body," she says. "It asks questions like: 'What exactly was lost? What did this person mean to me? What part of me existed in their presence?'"
Stacy encourages her clients to "allow space for the full range of emotions without judgement," and to lean on their support networks, whether that's friends and family, or professional support.
Grief is also physiological, Moffa says. Grief can manifest as physical symptoms, such as brain fog, memory loss, stomach upset and fatigue. Getting enough sleep, eating well, hydration, movement and sunlight are all important for maintaining the nervous system and physical health while grieving.
Both Stacy and Moffa say eventually grief is something to "integrate" into your life over time, not simply "get over."
"We carry the loss and keep living, one moment at a time," Moffa says. "We don't push the loss away, and we don't 'move on,' but we begin to live with the loss by our side."
If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call 988 any time day or night, or chat online. Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741.