I'm worrying myself sick over my grandson. My daughter-in-law has made some questionable parenting decisions that I fear will hurt him later in life.
Worst of all, my son refuses to do anything about it.
My grandson is approaching his first birthday and, over the past year, I've watched his parents make mistake after mistake.
For starters, despite my many objections, my daughter-in-law decided to vaccinate him. I believe he would be perfectly fine without some of them, but she disagrees.
Then, there's the issue of feeding him.
When I volunteer to babysit so she can go out for a date night with my son, she insists that I feed him with formula if he is fussy, as she doesn't have a big enough milk supply.
I've suggested many solutions to that problem, including natural herbs and supplements that might help her so she can breastfeed or use a bottle (though the latter would not be my preference), but she has refused them all.
Never mind when I've advised, as she began introducing food to him, that he eats natural, organic foods, nothing in a jar or can. You can imagine what her response was.
'I don't need your help.'
That was the final straw.
She seems to think that the I - a woman who successfully raised four children of my own - doesn't know a thing about being a mother.
I've tried to talk to my son about it, but my concerns have fallen on deaf ears. He seems to side with his wife and says I am being 'overbearing' and that I need to take a step back. But personally, I think they could use all the help they can get.
I simply cannot sit here and watch them impose an unhealthy lifestyle on my grandchild. How do I get through to them?
Sincerely,
Mother Knows Best
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Mother Knows Best,
It is so hard to watch people make mistakes or do things differently than how you would.
The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law dynamic is already difficult and is only made more challenging when grandchildren come into the picture.
But Mother Knows Best, I say this with the greatest of compassion and respect, this is not your business.
You likely want a great relationship with your son and grandchildren, and whether or not you want a good relationship with his wife, it behooves you to do your best to foster one.
Jealous, controlling mothers-in-law will only cause discord and friction and are likely to alienate their children. Worse, it can come between a marriage, sometimes forcing a split, which is the most heartbreaking of all.
You knew best how to raise your own children, and now you have to step back and trust that you did a good enough job that they will know how to raise their own kids.
Even if you believe you are right, or even if you are right - natural, organic foods are undoubtedly healthier than processed foods - it is not your business. Saying something will only drive them away.
Instead, embrace the role of a loving, fun grandmother, and put your mothering days behind you. Judgment and criticism begets judgment and criticism, and the more you focus on what they are doing wrong, the unhappier you will be.
So, for your sake, stop making suggestions, however well-intentioned they may be, and stop trying to talk to your son about it. You do not want to force him into a position where he feels he has to make a choice between his mother and his wife, for you may very well be the loser.
Delight in your grandson and put the focus back on your own life while trusting that your son and his wife will find their way.