Dear Jane,
I'm a senior in high school and I just broke up with my girlfriend.
We had been dating for two years when I cheated on her (which I do feel bad about).
But now she is furious with me, especially because I broke things off right before prom, which is next week.
She hasn't been able to find another date for it and she is threatening to expose a huge secret to my family if I don't go with her.
The secret is that I stole my older brother's license a few months back to buy alcohol and vapes (I'm only 17).
My brother thought he'd lost his ID and was annoyed that he had to go to the DMV to get a new one, so I know he'll be furious with me if he finds out what I did.
Not to mention my parents - who are extremely conservative and strict. If they learn I've been drinking and smoking, they will lose their minds and ground me forever.
Should I just go to prom with my ex-girlfriend to appease her, or is she going to keep holding this secret over my head any chance she gets?
From,
Identity Thief
Dear Identity Thief,
Blackmail is a terrible thing and the only way round it, I'm afraid, is to come clean.
She's using this secret to convince you to go to prom, but going to the dance with her won't end it. Who knows what she will want next.
Anyone who blackmails you is using your shame as their power, and it must be stopped immediately.
I know how frightening the prospect of coming clean to your parents and brother must be, but it's the only way forward.
You'll have to deal with the consequences - whether it's being grounded for a long time, or facing your brother's fury. But that is far better than going through life terrified that they will find out and, worse, at the mercy of a girl who is emotionally manipulating you.
Her behavior shows me that you absolutely did the right thing - at least by breaking up with her. Someone who behaves like this is not someone you want to be connected with in any way, shape or form.
Please, come clean to your family and tell them that you are being blackmailed. It may soften the blow.
This as a difficult but valuable lesson. In the future, I hope you will be more discerning with the girls you let into your life, and learn not to steal just to get into bars.