Q: I am 61 and have been married for more than 30 years. My husband and I always used to have a good sex life - the sex was not hugely frequent, but enough.
However, in the past six months or so, he has started having problems getting an erection. I have tried being loving and supportive and suggested that he goes to see a doctor about it. But he thinks there is no point, as the doctor will just recommend Viagra and he wouldn't take it because it's not natural. He says that perhaps he is just too old now (he's only 64!) and that maybe we should forget about that part of our lives. But I'm not ready for this.
A: It's understandable that you're sad and frustrated. Erectile difficulties are common as men get older, but they're not simply an inevitable part of 'old age', nor do they mean intimacy has to end. Your husband may be feeling embarrassed or fearful, and dismissing the problem is often easier than facing it.
That said, it's important that he does see a doctor, as erectile dysfunction can be an early warning sign of a more serious illness. A GP wouldn't automatically push Viagra; they'd look at other factors such as health, lifestyle and psychological influences.
It's reasonable for you to say, kindly but clearly, that you're not ready to shut the door on sexual closeness, and suggest perhaps also seeing a sex therapist together. Sex isn't just about erections, but neither should your needs be quietly written off.
The reader says her husband has started having problems getting an erection yet doesn't want to seek help (picture posed by models)
I've been left out of my father's will - yet he wanted me included
Q: I am in my 50s, the eldest of four children. Our mother died 15 years ago. She was bullied by our father so I chose to have little to do with him. I was also very aware he favoured my three brothers.
He died just over a year ago. Not wanting him to die estranged, I visited him several times in the hospice. He was pleased to see me, gentle and affectionate, and spoke of regret for how he had behaved.
After his death, my brothers - the executors of his will - told me I'd been left out entirely. This wasn't a surprise. However, before his death my father told me he wanted me included, but he died before he was able to change his will. I know he had told my brothers and I believe he assumed they would 'look after me'.
They have refused to make any gesture at all, even though the estate is large enough to afford it. Instead, they have frozen me out in what feels like a cruel and hostile way. I feel deeply shocked by their greed. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive this.
A: What a painful story. You are grieving not only your father but the relationship you never truly had—and the brief moment of connection that came too late. Being left out of the will is not just a financial loss; it is the loss of acknowledgement, and that cuts deeply.
Choosing distance from a parent who bullies or demeans is not unkind; it is often an act of self-protection. Your brothers have clearly failed to recognise this. Children often unconsciously mirror a dominant parent. Your brothers may have absorbed the belief that power and entitlement come first. It may also be easier for them to avoid the truth about how your mother was treated, and their own failure to challenge it, by directing blame towards you instead.
You do have practical options. An adult child can challenge a will that fails to make reasonable provision. A confidential conversation with a specialist solicitor or a family mediator could help you understand what is possible without committing to a legal battle, which could be emotionally draining. Mediation, in particular, can sometimes succeed where families have reached stalemate.
Just as important, though, is your emotional care. You need to grieve fully for the father you had, the father you briefly glimpsed at the end, and the siblings you might have hoped for but who are failing you. Please seek support so that you can move forward.