Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus was a bestselling relationship guide back in 1992, based on author John Gray's premise that men and women have different emotional requirements and that misunderstanding them leads to the breakdown of relationships.
Nowadays, relationship experts are less likely to suggest that we're so innately different we could hail from separate planets. 'As a psychologist, I don't see relationship problems as "men versus women",' says Dr Jade Thomas, a registered psychologist and the founder of Luxe Psychology Practice.
However, it's true to say that the way boys and girls are raised and treated by society can impact what they bring to their relationships. 'These patterns aren't universal or hard-wired, but research consistently shows that men and women are often socialised differently around emotion, communication and responsibility, which can make certain relationship pitfalls more likely,' says Dr Thomas.
When it comes to dating or long-term heterosexual relationships, it's useful to wise up on these common differences, as they can help both parties approach the partnership with a greater level of understanding (and therefore harmony).
Even if you've been together for years, says Dr Lalitaa Suglani, a psychologist and relationship expert for eharmony, it's worth taking stock of where your wires might get crossed.
'For people in their 40s and beyond, relationships often exist alongside careers, parenting, caregiving and major life transitions,' she says. 'Patterns that once worked can become strained under increased pressure and the busyness of "go, go, go" culture.'
'This is why understanding how conditioning shapes communication helps couples move away from blame and towards empathy, collaboration and conscious connection and, most importantly, remembering that they are a team.'
Common relationship mistakes men are more likely to make...
Struggling to articulate emotions
'Research suggests men may be more likely to have difficulty identifying and verbalising emotions, largely because emotional expression has typically been discouraged in boys from an early age,' says Dr Thomas. 'This can lead to emotional withdrawal or avoidance during conflict.'
How to work around it:
Emotion naming is a learnable skill. Using simple 'feeling' language ('I feel stressed' rather than shutting down) significantly improves relationship communication.
Interpreting problems as practical rather than emotional
'Men are often encouraged to value problem-solving over emotional processing,' says Dr Thomas. 'In relationships, this can mean offering solutions when a partner is seeking empathy.'
It's unsurprising men leap to problem-solving when they've been less educated in emotions, says Dr Lalitaa. 'Men are conditioned to shut down or minimise feelings - not only their own, but their partner's, too - as they may not know how to hold emotional space,' she explains. 'We also live in a society where men can feel they need to avoid vulnerability, as they see it as "weak". This often leaves partners feeling unheard or disconnected.'
How to work around it:
Pausing to validate emotions before offering solutions ('That sounds really hard') helps partners feel understood and reduces defensiveness.
Assuming silence means everything is fine
Dr Lalitaa says this is a problem she 'commonly comes across - where men may interpret a lack of conflict as stability and assume everything is OK, while unresolved issues quietly build beneath the surface. The other partner may feel unseen or unheard.'
On a similar note, Dr Thomas says that men have difficulty recognising subtle emotional cues - the things that are not said, but might be picked up on with a bit more attention. 'Research has suggested that because men are often less encouraged to attend to emotional nuance, they may miss subtle shifts in mood or indirect expressions of distress. This isn't a lack of care, but a difference in emotional training,' she says.
How to work around it:
Actively checking in rather than assuming ('You seem quieter, is something going on?') improves emotional attunement and prevents small problems from escalating, allowing the partner to feel seen or heard.
Prioritising work over presence
According to Dr Lalitaa, 'this is especially common in midlife, when pressures and responsibilities increase. Even being physically present but emotionally distracted can erode intimacy over time, as both people may feel disconnected'.
How to work around it:
Prioritise small, consistent moments of emotional presence and shared time. Eating together without screens, or having a five-minute chat before you get out of bed in the morning, can help.
Common relationship mistakes women are more likely to make...
Over-functioning or self-sacrifice
'This often shows up as women being socialised to manage both their own emotions and those of others, which can lead to people-pleasing, resentment and emotional exhaustion,' says Dr Lalitaa. 'It can happen when women feel they are constantly giving and not receiving in return. This is where it becomes important to trust and allow a partner to take responsibility for their own emotions, and to learn to express how you truly feel.'
How to work around it:
Expressing needs early and clearly prevents emotional overload and creates more balanced relationships.
Expecting emotional intuition or 'mind reading'
Do you expect your partner to just know what you want, without you even saying it? 'Women may assume emotional closeness means being intuitively understood. When this doesn't happen, disappointment and frustration can build,' says Dr Thomas.
How to work around it:
When people communicate assertively, relationships tend to feel more satisfying; conversations become clearer; misunderstandings are less likely to turn into conflict.
Indirect communication driven by fear of being 'too much'
'Women are often socialised to minimise their needs to avoid conflict or rejection,' says Dr Thomas. 'This can lead to hinting, softening or hoping a partner will pick up on subtle emotional cues, rather than communicating clearly or assertively.'
How to work around it:
Direct, assertive communication reduces misunderstanding and increases relationship satisfaction. Being clear about needs or feelings is not demanding; rather it creates clarity and emotional safety for both partners.
Taking too much responsibility for relationship success
'Many women internalise relationship difficulties as personal failure, carrying the emotional load alone and feeling there is no one else to trust with that load,' says Dr Lalitaa.
How to work around it:
Always remember the relationship is a shared dynamic and speak about what isn't working rather than going quiet and blaming yourself.
Losing a sense of self over time
Dr Lalitaa sees this 'particularly in long-term relationships where caregiving and responsibility overshadow individual identity and desire. Life changes such as moving home, having children and natural ageing can also have an impact'.
How to work around it:
Reconnecting with personal boundaries, interests and needs is important as this often strengthens intimacy by allowing each partner space to recharge.