Seann Walsh has discussed the lasting repercussions of his father's heroin addiction, his own battle with alcoholism and the bitter aftermath that followed his notorious appearance on Strictly Come Dancing.
Walsh became a household name as a successful stand-up comic and regular TV panellist before signing up for the sixteenth series of BBC show Strictly Come Dancing in 2018.
But the comedian, 40, says his life was shaped by his father's crippling addiction while growing up in Lewisham, south London, with his parents and younger brother, before the family relocated to Brighton.
Appearing on the latest instalment of Davina McCall's Begin Again podcast, Walsh says he learned from an early age that his father's fluctuating moods were dependent on his access to heroin.
He said: 'I don't know if this relates to alcoholism, but when you grow up with a heroin addict as a father the irony is - and I think a lot of people in the same situation will relate to this - you want your dad on that thing that he smokes, because the problem is not when he's on it.
'I think that's different perhaps, to alcohol. You actually don't want your mum drunk, but actually when you're a kid you want your dad on that thing, because when he's on that thing then we've got a dad in a good mood, we’ve got an upbeat dad, we’ve got a dad who’s handing out a score, £20, go and enjoy yourself.'
Walsh has previously used his difficult relationship with his father as source material for two comedy specials.
He added: 'The problem with having a parent who relies on that drug in particular, is when they're not on it, then they're not present. You know, my dad was either on heroin or he was horizontal in bed. That's it. And there is no middle ground between those two things.
'So yes, we wanted him on that, which is obviously a very strange place to be.'
The comedian has previously used his difficult relationship with his father, who has since beaten his addiction, as source material for comedy specials Kiss and Seann Walsh: Is Dead, Happy Now?
But Walsh says he was urged to keep his father's addiction secret as he entered secondary school and grew into adolescence following their move to Sussex.
'He told us not to tell anyone,'; he recalled. 'And from that point I remember, that was the first time I became aware that whatever this thing was that he was doing, and I didn't know it was heroin, necessarily, but the thing that he was doing was wrong, in some way.
'I was in secondary school so I must have been about 11 or 12, he did say don't tell anyone about this.
'We were just getting to an age where we were conscious, sentient, that we would be able to say, "my dad does this thing where he rolls up kitchen tissue, gets tin foil and burns this brown stuff on it."'
The comedian is now settled with partner Grace Adderley and a father in his own right after the couple welcomed daughter Wylda, now three, in 2019, and son Oscar, 11 months, in 2025.
And fatherhood played a significant role in his decision to give up drinking after realising he had grown dependent on alcohol.
But prolonged sobriety led to Walsh questioning his own identity after years spent living between drinks.
'I made the decision to stop in 2019, and I did well, but I had a few blowouts, and I only ever did blowouts,' he recalled.
'Every time I drank it was a blowout. So I had a few blowouts in 2019 and after that I managed to not have a drop since.
'What surprises me is not wanting to do that at all. That's what you can never imagine. You can imagine not drinking because you've kind of made this choice that you've got to not drink, but you can't imagine that you won't want to drink.
'There's a great freedom in not wanting to do that, or not needing to do that. You think the reason you're drinking is because you want to be drunk, but actually the reason you're drinking is because you don't want to be sober. That is big, that's a big thing to realise.'
Walsh was visibly emotional while discussing his childhood with Davina during her latest podcast instalment.
The comedian is now settled with partner Grace Adderley and a father in his own right after the couple welcomed daughter Wylda, now three, in 2019, and son Oscar, 11 months, in 2025.
Fatherhood played a significant role in his decision to give up drinking after realising he had grown dependent on alcohol.
'I drank from 17 until I was 33. That means no adulthood - you've gone from child, teenager, and then just not growing up at all. So at 33 you wake up, who the hell are you? I had absolutely no idea. What are your interests? What are you going to do?
'I was never someone who woke up and had a drink, but I was someone who woke up and thought "I can't wait to have a drink, I can't wait for tonight, to get on it."
'That was your day, that was your motive in life. Whatever you're gonna do, after that get stfaced.'
Sobriety preceded a return to mainstream comedy and TV work after his decision to sign up for Strictly Come Dancing in 2018 derailed his career.
The beleaguered comic found himself at the heart of the show's biggest scandal when he was filmed kissing married dance partner Katya Jones while also in a long-term relationship with actress Rebecca Humphries.
Following the incident, Humphries released a statement claiming he'd called her a 'psycho' for questioning his friendship with Jones - before footage of their kiss during a boozy night coincidentally on his girlfriend's birthday was made public.
'It's very, very, very difficult for me, probably anyone, to condense that,' he said of the ensuing fallout. 'But one of the things that becomes so surreal is the seeming enjoyment and pleasure that people took from your life.
'It's something I lived with. You can't really go back to where you were before that happened in your life; that has happened, right? And you're going to live for the rest of your life with that having happened.'
He added: 'You can't delete what's happened, so you're going to have to go forward, not back. You're going to have to go forward in a different direction to where you were going, and I think that took me many years to work out.
'But as soon as I learnt that, it made it easier to go, "you've got to live with this, you can't delete this. Unfortunately, or fortunately, it's part of you, and now let's move forward."'