AUSTIN, TEXAS (Spurious News Network) -- When electric-car baron Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla, joined forces with convicted felon Donald Trump to help get Trump re-elected president, many saw it as the ultimate case of strange bedfellows. Mr. Trump is well-known for his hatred of electric cars and alternative energy, two businesses Mr. Musk is heavily invested in.
Today, Tesla introduced a product designed to get Mr. Musk back in now-President for Life Elect Trump's good graces.
"We call it the Model T - the T stands for Trump," said Mr. Musk at a crowded press conference. "It runs on coal. Big hunks of the dirtiest coal we could get our hands on."
The Tesla Model T is a state-of-the-art coal-fired vehicle. Larger than a Chevrolet Suburban, the SUV seats two and has no space for carrying cargo.
"We needed the room to hold all the coal," said Mr. Musk. "It holds a ton of coal and 250 gallons of water."
The Model T gains its motive power through a steam-powered electrical generating system.
"In the place we had the frunk in our former electric cars...there's a boiler," explained Mr. Musk.
When asked how motorists will cope with its operation time:
"You can't turn it off...the boiler will run forever," stated Mr. Musk.
The car also has many luxury features that will appeal to President Trump.
"It has a laser-engraved portrait of Donald Trump on the tailgate," noted Mr. Musk.
When questioned about environmental concerns:
"Since...closing the EPA...that won't be a problem," asserted Mr. Musk.
Mr. Trump was enthusiastic about the announcement:
"Finally he gets it!" exclaimed Trump.Sushma Raman from Greenpeace USA responded by immediately moving abroad: Sushma Raman, Interim Executive Director of Greenpeace USA: "Fuck that idiot..." The Tesla Model T was well-received in coal country. Patrick Morrisey: "This car will double..." The car is also celebrated among Trump's supporters. John Smith: "I thought I was rollin'..." The Model T will sell for $25,000.