"No, you fool!" Colbert said after Trump ousted a Labor Department official over a disappointing jobs report. "Now there's one less job!"
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep -- and lets us get paid to watch comedy.
A Formerly Thankless Job
The government said on Friday that the labor market had weakened as employers pulled back on hiring. One news outlet said the numbers were the worst since the pandemic.
On Monday, Stephen Colbert said that President Trump had "taken us back to Covid now."
"That explains why he's growing sourdough starter around his ankles." -- STEPHEN COLBERT
"When he heard about this employment crisis, Trump sprang into action and fired the head of the Bureau of Labor Statistics. No! No, you fool! Now there's one less job! Don't you see? You fell into her trap." -- STEPHEN COLBERT
"But it makes sense. He fires anyone who gives him bad news: 'Mr. Dr. Cardiologist, you clearly rigged my cholesterol to be 1,000 and said my blood type was aioli. You're fired. I happen to know it's honey mustard.'" -- STEPHEN COLBERT
"Trump said that he'll announce a new commissioner in the next few days. So far, the front-runner is Sydney Sweeney, but we'll see where we land." -- JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Ballroom Edition)
"President Trump unveiled the plans last week for a new $200 million ballroom he's planning to add to the White House. Hmm, it doesn't sound like he's planning on leaving in three years. Back when I was renting apartments, I never even painted." -- SETH MEYERS
"Now, presidents are allowed to do a little renovation, of course. The Obamas added a vegetable garden. Truman and Nixon both added bowling lanes, and Jimmy Carter famously added a sex dungeon." -- STEPHEN COLBERT
"That's right, President Trump spoke about his proposal to build a ballroom on the White House grounds next to the Executive Mansion and added, 'It'll be near it but not touching it' So kind of like him and Melania." -- SETH MEYERS
The Bits Worth Watching
John Oliver demystified deferred prosecution agreements and how they're helping corporations get away with misconduct on Sunday's "Last Week Tonight."
What We're Excited About on Tuesday Night
Brittany Snow, star of "The Hunting Wives," will appear on "Late Night with Seth Meyers."
Also, Check This Out
The new "King of the Hill" revival makes a time jump to explore how its animated characters have changed, along with the rest of America.