Society and media are rife with ideas about lasting love -- but some of these messages can actually run counter to a long and healthy relationship.
Certain marriage myths that prevail after decades of rom-coms and self-help books can quietly, but surely, lead to the dissolution of a relationship if they remain unchallenged. These misconceptions, often fueled by unrealistic expectations from romantic movies and social media, can undermine even the strongest relationships. Newsweek spoke to two experts on the most common myths they see in their practice and how to build a healthier perspective.
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Ciara Bogdanovic, many couples buy into a few common myths that set them up for failure.
The first is that marriage should be effortless and that arguments mean something is wrong. In reality, she said, "conflict is inevitable in any long-term partnership."
"What matters isn't whether disagreements happen, but how they're navigated," Bogdanovic, founder of Sagebrush Psychotherapy, said.
The second myth is that a partner should automatically know and provide for your needs -- a belief that leads to resentment when unspoken expectations aren't met. Bogdanovic said that marriage requires communication, not mind reading. Lastly, she noted that expecting a constant "honeymoon" state sets couples up for disappointment, as "the reality is that relationships naturally ebb and flow."
For couple's therapist Jodie Rinde, the biggest and most destructive myth she sees is, "if my partner really loved me, he would know -- intuit or mind read -- what I need," she told Newsweek. She said this myth, often associated with the belief that clearly communicating one's needs "doesn't mean anything," is what brings couples to her office after years of resentment have built up.
Both experts agree that these myths stem from a cultural shift toward idealized, romantic love.
According to Bogdanovic, this has created intense expectations of our partners, which have been amplified through social media and movies.
"Love becomes a fantasy story in our minds and real life falls short," she said.
Additionally, an individualistic culture prioritizes what we get out of a marriage over our own responsibilities. Bogdanovic said this turns our attention to "me, me, me" and doesn't acknowledge the work required to build a healthy relationship.
Rinde added that people waste a lifetime clinging to the myth that a partner should intuit their needs, when all along they could have gotten their needs met simply by communicating and playing their part in the relationship.
"My partner is not my mind reader," she said. "He needs to be given the 'Jodie operations manual' over and over again. It's a vital relational skill to be able to explicitly ask for your needs to be met."
Practical Advice for a Resilient Marriage
To combat these myths, the experts advised a more realistic and compassionate approach to relationships.
Bogdanovic suggested that couples stop searching for the perfect mate.
"If you expect perfection, you will always be disappointed," she said. "Lean into the humanness and fallibility of all of us."
She added that when couples accept their partner and learn to manage conflict together, they build "a special kind of trust that creates deeper and more intense love."
Rinde echoed this, saying it can be transformative to see your partner meet your needs because you asked -- as it ultimately creates a more thoughtful and collaborative dynamic.
For a stronger relationship, Bogdanovic recommended learning conflict management skills, observing how happy, long-lasting couples handle disagreements and finding ways to self-soothe when things are difficult. She also advised not expecting your partner to give you everything.
"A partner can't meet every single need," she said. "Learn how to meet some of your own needs outside of the relationship, through friendships, hobbies, community or personal growth."
When you bring that fullness back into the partnership, she concluded, you're better able to give as well as receive -- leading to a resilient, balanced marriage.