When he first met Luke, Chris was pre-transition, but they've embraced his journey enthusiastically.
We try to be respectful and, obviously, we don't want to cause people alarm, but we're very noisy creatures.
Luke is 20 years older than me. If he'd had a history of dating younger people, I wouldn't have pursued it because I think there's an inherent power imbalance that comes with age-gap relationships. It's something we discussed from the start, but it doesn't come up for us sexually. I've been with more sexual partners than Luke has, so I had more experience than him in terms of kink and BDSM.
About 80% of our sex is BDSM, but we're both very touchy people, so there's a lot of cuddling throughout the day. We were actually evicted from our home due to noisy sex. We were getting complaints from the neighbours downstairs. At one point, the housing association office came to the door when we were having sex - we call it our bang to rights moment.
We try to be respectful and, obviously, we don't want to cause people alarm, but we're very noisy creatures. Now we’ve got the mattresses on the floor, so we’ve learned our lesson.
When we met, I was pre-transition, and I worried that someone who found me attractive then might not fancy me after I’d taken testosterone. I had my guard up, and while I enjoyed Luke’s company, I really didn’t think much would come of it.
But both of us are really happy to be proven wrong, and it is a really beautiful thing to have been on this journey with him, and to have shared this experience.
Luke finds me just as attractive with a bit of facial hair. He’s been super supportive, and I’m more self-confident in my own body now. I’m far more comfortable with who I am, and that is a fantastic feeling. It’s all had a really positive effect on my life - and on our sex life. I’ve now been on testosterone for a year and a half, which comes with increased libido. My desires are stronger than ever and I’m a feistier in bed now. Every time I go to the gender clinic, we pick up about 60 packets of lube, which we get through in about three days.
Even just using the correct pronouns while we were having sex and seeing how much extra fire that added was lovely.
I’m not a religious person, but sex to me is almost like something that’s transcendental. When you’ve got someone else on board with that uninhibited expression of human sexuality, I don’t think there’s any greater joy.
Sex with Chris is joyous and fun. We can’t get enough of each other. We met at a bar three years ago, and when we first started going out I wasn’t sure if we’d be long term as there’s a 20-year age gap. I thought it would lead to problems, or an imbalance in terms of emotion and life experience. But we had such a connection and I found life was so much better with him.
We did get carried away at the beginning. It was probably five times a day after we moved in together. I had just lost my job and we had a lot more free time together, and that’s when we had a lot of noise complaints from the neighbour. We probably could have handled it a wee bit more diplomatically, but life is short so you might as well just go for it.
I’ve found that dirty talk can really enhance sex; it’s like a little bit of seasoning you put on the experience. We also use a lot of restraints and things like that, and we’ve ended up having a wide arsenal of things to do.
In the last year, Chris has started taking hormone replacement therapy, and his treatment has allowed him to feel more comfortable in his own skin. To see that has been one of the most rewarding and exciting things in my life. Even just using the correct pronouns while we were having sex and seeing how much extra fire that added was absolutely lovely.
It’s really nice to be there for someone throughout this process, and to have defied his expectations that someone would want to stay with him. It has been amazing to see our relationship flourish.