Gen Z: Just bought the most amazing sauce to upgrade my avo toast.
Boomer: Don't tell me you're lathering the green slop with ketchup. Your breakfast must look like an explosion in a paint factory.
Ew, no. Ketchup is dead. I'm talking about yuzukoshō, obvs.
Yuzu-what? Sounds like a type of Japanese knotweed.
It's a citrus-chilli condiment sold in bougie grocery stores. The Guardian says the £7 sauce will 'change your life'.
For £7 I'd want it to cook the meal for me.
They also suggested FSG Sichuan's £3.20 preserved fungus, if you're after something cheaper?
I'm willing to pay extra to avoid the fungus, thanks. Anyway, what's wrong with a dollop of HP sauce?
Huh?
You know: brown sauce, famous blue and red label, can pick it up for £2.50 in Tesco with a Clubcard, rather than trekking to a boutique deli in Hackney.
Sooo Boomer. Food blog The Takeout says a majority of Gen Zs see it as 'outdated'.
Outdated? It's a British institution. Queen Elizabeth II loved brown sauce so much, she launched her own £7 version in 2022.
It's just mid. According to The Takeout, 80 per cent of Gen Z diners will only buy a condiment if it's spicy.
Who wants hot sauce on their bacon butty at 9.30am?
Literally everyone. Selfridges says demand for hot sauce has risen so rapidly, it's now stocking 100 different brands.
Ridiculous! Especially since the one hot sauce I've tried was so chilli-laden, it ended up numbing my tongue and making the whole dish literally tasteless.
Maybe try Dua Lipa's favourite hot sauce, Yellowbird. It's £7.99 and comes in various spice levels.
Look, I'm not paying £8 for some glorified Tabasco.
Tingly Ted's, then. Ed Sheeran's hot sauce comes in a milder version for chilli-phobes. £2 with your Nectar.
What does Ed Sheeran know about hot sauce?!
I mean, he wrote on Instagram that he 'loves' spicy sauces and uses them every day.
Young Ed's evidently struggling to shift albums.
Rude! Anyway, it’s not just Ed. Kim Kardashian’s hot sauce, Truff, shifts for £21.99 a bottle and is Selfridges’ third bestseller.
Twenty-two quid for hot sauce! You can get two bottles for £4 at Asda!
It’s not just hot. It’s jalapeño and lime hot.
It’s a bloody rip off, is what it is.
Well us youngsters don’t think so. According to Ocado, three-quarters of Gen Zs use a condiment with most meals.
Three-quarters of Boomers do, too! We’re just sensible about it: salad cream on a sarnie, Branston pickle with cheese...
It’s giving bland.
Bland?! Have you tasted Worcestershire sauce? It’s so strong it could strip varnish.
As per Ocado's report, Gen Z's main priority is for a condiment to be 'adventurous'.
What on earth does that mean? Should my ketchup want to go backpacking around Thailand?
Rolls eyes It means exciting flavour-wise. Take M&S. Its bestselling sauces now include Nuoc Cham Dipping Sauce, tangy Sweet Carolina Sauce and Gochujang Mayo.
Is that its name or did you just sneeze?
It’s a fermented Korean chilli paste. Then there’s TikTok’s favourite dip for chicken wings, Samyang Buldak hot chicken-flavour sauce.
I’m sorry, you’re adding chicken-flavoured sauce to chicken wings? Surely you see that’s ridiculous?
It’s delicious, actually. Just ask TikToker @CondimentClaire, who’s racked up a million followers by reviewing new dips.
What’s her favourite - 24 carat gold-infused areola?
You mean aïoli. At least I hope you do. And no, it’s black garlic miso maple matcha mix.
I know what fewer than half of those words mean.
Well, I guess it’s time for you to ketchup with the culture, then.
No, thanks. My Colman’s still cuts the mustard.