AI has come for parenting. No, I don't mean that your children will soon be disciplined by chatbots or diaper-changed by sentient robots. I mean that AI now sits squarely atop the pile of modern parents' anxieties, having rapidly eclipsed boogeymen like screen time and social media.
Your kid is begging for a phone? That seems quaint in comparison to the full-blown panic that he or she will graduate into a dystopian future in which there are no jobs, autonomous systems have assumed control of the military and the economy is divided into a billionaire class and their legions of serfs. If that seems extreme, welcome to my mom-brain at 4 a.m.
"I've been sleeping less lately because of AI anxiety, thinking there's no turning back and this could quickly get out of control," a dad friend of mine echoed after I'd solicited thoughts on the matter on Instagram. The responses came in hot.
"It scares the s -- out of me," one mom wrote. "Our schools are grossly unprepared for this," said another. "I've been thinking a lot about how the careers that my kids would excel at probably won't exist, and questioning what they will do instead," said another.
"My husband, who works in tech, thinks our kids won't go to college because in-person learning will change. Also that we have to save all our money because they won't have jobs. He's freaking out," wrote a friend.
The topic now comes up at every dinner party and parent gathering, where conversations circle various catastrophic outcomes -- in 10 years, everyone will be on universal basic income -- until someone mercifully offers to open another bottle of wine (yes, please).
I was sent a flier for a panel at a New York City private school called "Parenting in the Age of AI," featuring speakers who promised tips on how to "prepare your children and yourselves in the evolving world of artificial intelligence." But how can you protect them from something that's changing so rapidly?
The uncertainty -- and fear -- surrounding AI is being grappled with societywide, but it hits parents particularly hard. A recent Brookings report issued dire warnings about the effects of AI on learning, saying it would lead to the "great unwiring of students' cognitive capacities." The American Psychological Association released research on adolescents, indicating "that strong attachments to AI-generated characters may contribute to struggles with learning social skills and developing emotional connections." My older son, who's 10, knows that ChatGPT isn't really a person, but it sure as heck sounds like one, even to me.
We were told that if we put our children in the right schools, if we allow them to feel their feelings, if we make sure they get enough sleep, stay off Snapchat and never touch a Dorito, they will attend a good college and have a respectable career. The looming threat of AI has upended that formula, and it doesn't feel fair. Will our kids learn how to think for themselves? Will they be able to relate to other humans? Or will I end up being the mother-in-law to a Chatbot?
"It makes sense that parents are stressed about AI, especially if they're seeing it everywhere, on every podcast and in every headline," says Dr. Meredith Elkins, a clinical psychologist and the author of "Parenting Anxiety, Breaking the Cycle of Worry and Raising Resilient Kids."
"We've been so outcomes focused, so focused on the college and the job and the economic security," says Dr. Elkins. "Because so much of that is out of our control right now, that gives us the chance to focus more on the process."
I ask if she has any actionable tips, and she suggests a helpful reframe, one that doesn't include deep research into AI-proof careers (I've heard of parents doing this) or pricing out upstate farmland in case we have to live off the grid (I've done this myself, at 4 a.m.).
"Ultimately, the task of parenting hasn't changed, despite the demoralization of AI. It's still about: How can we raise adaptable, grounded humans, who can respond to disruption -- and, even more important, who believe they can respond to disruption," says Dr. Elkins.
In other words, the only way to AI-proof your kid is to teach them, in the wise words of Chumbawamba, that they'll get knocked down, but they'll get up again. Resiliency is the key to functioning in a world moving so quickly under their feet.
Dr. Elkins assures me this will be easier than I think. "If you see your kid is doing a great job tolerating frustration, say, the videogame console breaks and instead of throwing it against the wall they fix it, that's an opportunity to be like, 'Hey, you dealt with that really well,'" she says. "Or when you notice flexibility -- they were supposed to go to a friend's house and someone got sick, but they pivoted nicely. You can say, 'I saw you rebounded really well.'"
She suggests encouraging your kids to take initiative rather than waiting for instructions, to take healthy risks and do things more independently. "These are core skills that research tells us over and over are related to long-term adaptability," says Dr. Elkins.
And finally, Dr. Elkins gently reminds me this also applies to grown-ups. "If we're modeling our anxiety about this, we're radiating urgency, alarm and pressure. Our kids learn to feel that way too." In other words, try as best you can to stop the AI panic swirl. It's not helpful, and your children will absorb your hysteria.
After my conversation with Dr. Elkins, I approached one of my sons. He'd recently been nervous about starting a new activity, but he'd persevered, and so I said to him, "I'm proud of how well you dealt with that challenge." He looked at me like I was a lunatic, but he heard me, so perhaps I planted a seed.
That night, I went to bed without googling "AI tsunami" or "how to get a plumber's license." And for the first time in a while, I slept 'til morning.
Emma Rosenblum is the author of the novels "Bad Summer People" and "Mean Moms."