I zoom in on the photo. Surely this isn't the same woman? The frizzy hair. Bags under her eyes. And she's definitely not a size 10.
In the photograph I'd seen on the dating app she looked fun and sexy, with a sharp, blonde bob and slim figure. Like the actress Charlize Theron.
Michelle and I had been texting after matching on Tinder and, after a bit of persuasion, she'd agreed to swap to Instagram (less intrusive than WhatsApp and better for getting a sense of someone's everyday life via posts).
Immediately I scrolled through her photos - and all of them used filters. The eyelashes were too long, lips too plump, the forehead bowling-ball smooth.
This drives me mad - just about every woman does it, no matter their age.
And then I looked at her neck - for some reason, filters don't work on the neck - and there they were, the telltale wrinkles. A bit more online sleuthing and I found a photo from a work event just months before which showed the 'real' Michelle in a very large fleece with her frizzy hair. Eek! That dating profile picture must have been 20 years old.
She'd told me she was in her 'late 40s', but it was obvious she was over 55 and I won't date any woman of that age.
Nobody is honest any more.
First, don't hide your wrinkles, writes Harry Brown. Looks aren't the only thing that matters, but they do count and men will find out as soon as they meet you
What else do women do to put men off? Go on about how awful their marriages were; how they didn't feel 'seen', whatever that means
I blocked her immediately and I didn't feel bad doing it.
We hear a lot about the painful experiences of middle-aged women on dating sites, but let me tell you, it's no picnic for middle-aged men either.
At 52, I'm divorced with a grown-up daughter, though sadly we are now estranged and don't talk.
In the 15 years since my marriage ended, I've had three relationships, but I'm back on the market - and since the apps are the only game in town, that's where I am.
What do women do wrong when looking for a man like me? Well, where do I start.
First, don't hide your wrinkles. Looks aren't the only thing that matters, but they do count and men will find out as soon as they meet you. Better to be upfront with someone and have him decide whether they're a deal-breaker or not before you waste everyone's time.
Yes, I have greying hair (I think it makes me look distinguished) and perhaps I have a bit of a dad tum (though I go to the gym and keep in pretty good shape). But, frankly - and this is just how the world is - I think it's easier for men to get away with it.
Also, don't immediately probe men on their money situation. I work long hours as a project manager in a top construction firm and my pension is looking very healthy, thank you, but I'm not going to support you into your dotage.
In fact, I try to get a steer on a woman's finances before I meet her in case she sees me as nothing more than a meal ticket. One recent date, for example, kept asking me questions about how much I earned, whether I owned my property and did I have any obligations to pay my daughter or ex-wife anything.
I blocked her as soon as I got home and never saw her again. She was attractive and it was a shame, but I wasn't born yesterday.
Having said that, I am a bit of a meal ticket, since I do like to pay for dinner - if it gets that far.
What else do women do to put men off? Go on about how awful their marriages were; how they didn't feel 'seen', whatever that means.
I feel sorry for them because it's not great to be a woman in your 50s and have no partner, but do they really have to be so obtuse? I don't want to sit there hearing about their ex's flaws. They call their former husbands repulsive without realising how they're repelling me.
And, of course, none of them can take a joke. I'd expect the younger generation to take issue with my sort of 'dad humour' - but women in their 40s and 50s?
While texting one match, I said all feminists were sad because they're ending up doing literally everything - working, housework, childcare, and so on (this was something my ex-wife said to me before she left). I only meant the bit about feminists as a gentle jibe, but she blocked me as if I was advocating a return to the 1950s!
When I hit 40 and got divorced, I finally lived out my fantasy to sleep with women
I know this will sound as though midlife women can't win, but I also get the ‘ick’ when they’ve had too much work done on their faces. I matched with one woman who looked great in photos, but in person... well, let’s just say her face looked like she’d been stuck in a wind tunnel.
We kissed but I definitely didn’t want to sleep with her. It was obvious her face wouldn’t match her body.
When I told her I thought she’d look better if she was more natural looking, she said: ‘Thank goodness men like you are going out of fashion.’ But I was only being honest. I don’t want to stroke the cheek of a woman whose had it pulled so tightly behind her ear it looks as taut and translucent as a drum.
That said, I’m inclined to think I am going out of fashion. The dating world is overrun with older women who lie about their looks and want to hook up with you so you’ll pay their mortgage.
It’s been a lonely few months as I’ve started to realise that I need to date younger. I changed my profile last week so the oldest woman I’ll date is now 45.
Am I romantic? Sure. But I need the right conditions for romance, and filters, filler and financial probing do not put me in the mood!
I’m afraid that all you single women in your 50s might end up lonely, too.