A man's decision not to attend his godchild's baptism because of a long-planned sports commitment has been applauded online.
The original poster (OP), user MaybeThisTimeIllWin, shared his dilemma on Reddit, explaining that his sister had invited him to her child's baptism about a month in advance and asked him to be the godfather.
The date, however, conflicted with a major curling competition he had planned for nearly a year.
According to his post, he has already paid about $200 to participate, secured a spot on a four-person team and committed to an event that had filled up within minutes the previous year.
But when he told his sister and asked whether she could change the baptism date, she refused and accused him of misplaced priorities.
He pointed out that neither he nor his sister is religious, that the baptism was largely intended to satisfy her husband's family and secure enrollment at a Catholic school near their home, and that he is gay and uncomfortable with the church's stance on LGBTQ issues.
"I'm still happy to be the godfather and be involved in the child's life, I just don't feel right cancelling a long-standing commitment and letting my team down for a symbolic ceremony," he wrote.
"I understand why she's disappointed, but I also feel like I wasn't really given a chance to say whether the date worked for me, and now I'm being guilt-tripped for not moving heaven and earth."
Reddit users overwhelmingly backed the OP, with one writing, "She would 'drop everything' for you, but changing the date is asking too much? Seriously.
"Also, do not become the godfather of a Catholic child if you are not a moderately observant Catholic yourself. It's weird that she even asked you."
Another user added, "You're meant to be asked to be the godfather, not ordered to be one...She didn't ask you, she told you to show up. You can say no with a clear conscience."
"The baptism is conflicting with [your] already set plans, and cancelling the plans would affect other people," one contributor pointed out. "The parents should have consulted [you] about the date before scheduling to see if [you were] free."
Experts and advice columnists have long noted that conflicts like this are common when expectations clash with prior commitments.
Guidance published by SELF frames canceling plans as a balance between personal needs and consideration for others.
"Canceling plans sits at the intersection of showing up for yourself and showing up for other people," the outlet reported, highlighting how both sides can feel justified depending on context.
Advice columnist Carolyn Hax, writing in The Daily Reflector, has argued that adults are allowed to miss family events without being vilified.
"Attend the things you can and miss the things you must," she wrote, encouraging people to own their decisions without rancor when scheduling conflicts arise.