1. Using your partner's razor 'downstairs'
Now that pubic hair is practically verboten, its removal is a constant battle. This means, for me at least, occasionally borrowing a loved one's equipment. They may protest it blunts their blades, but if you are needed poolside in a swimsuit pronto, needs must. This might be why I'm now divorced.
2. Just tanning the visible bits
We've all done it, but inevitably when you remove your cardi or sit down and show more thigh than anticipated, you'll expose skin that's part St Tropez, part Skegness. Similarly slack is painting just the two toenails exposed by those new slingbacks you bought for cousin Dave's wedding. When said shoes slice into your feet and you take them off to dance the conga, there will be judgment.
3. Doing your make-up on public transport
Your brushes mingling with someone else's flaky pastry remains on the train table? Ewww. Plus it's anxiety inducing for other commuters, who worry for your eyeballs should there be a sudden jolt mid liner-application. And your pouty mirror face is for the bathroom, not the 7.45am to Paddington. I've done it, of course.
4. Sausage lips
What is it with lips so inflated with fillers they resemble two horizontal frankfurters? Desist. If you must go down the trout-pout route, anatomy suggests your bottom lip is supposed to be bigger than the top one.
5. Using a powder compact that's older than your grown-up children
You know the one, it's probably a Clinique Forever Compact (they discontinued it for a reason) and has more cracks than Trump's Middle East strategy. Because it was formulated in the last century it's not only a germ fest, but also cakey, heavy and leaves your face looking orange and furry. Ditch it.
6. Letting your gels grow out
Leave it too long between appointments and your naked nail grows out to leave a gap that vibes seriously unkempt. When pushed, I've used a matching nail polish to fill in the naked void - but in desperate times I've deployed a felt tip. Obviously, the answer is regular salon appointments, but failing that go for a sheer shade like Gel Bottle's Dolly (£18.95, thegelbottle.com), which is more forgiving.
7. Using your tweezers as a dental pick
Just me?
8. False lashes over 40
It's controversial, but I stand with Val Garland: a full-strip lash in your fifth decade and beyond puts you in Baby Jane territory. To grow your god-given ones, try Obagi Nu-Cil Eyelash Serum (£105, dermoi.com).
9. Parmesan heels in public
Cheese-rind heels should be criminalised. But so should filing your heels anywhere other than down the loo. (Which isn't to say I'm not guilty of such misconduct.) Simply moisturising will make heels look instantly better - but a daily application of Bare Feet Cracked Heel Balm (£8.50, hotter.com) will solve the situ long-term.
10. Dry shampoo dependence
Turns out you can have too much of a good thing. Formulations have moved on and are now excellent at deodorising hair and soaking up oil. Trouble is, putting off a hair wash becomes too tempting and I'm on eight days and counting...
11. Laminated brows
Attempting to gain fullness, I had my brows chemically straightened. Big mistake. I looked perma-surprised/borderline insane. Other brow faux pas include letting microbladed ones fade to a not-so-fetching shade of purple, or going so dark with your tint or gel that you resemble Dick Dastardly.
12. Visible hair extensions
Hair extensions are fab for adding fullness, but go too long before removing or replacing them and you'll look like a Vegas showgirl who has fallen on hard times. I've left rodent-like wefts on my boyfriend's pillow before - not quite the romantic memento I'd hoped for.