I'm going to say something controversial... but stick with me, because I promise I have a point.
Team Amanda.
I said what I said.
The latest reality TV cheating scandal - three attractive people on Summer House, one overlapping dating history, and a friendship that didn't survive it - has everyone choosing sides. This real-life saga in short: Ciara Miller and West Wilson's relationship fizzled and newly-single Amanda Batula, Ciara's best friend, swooped in and snatched him up.
The newly minted couple made it official with a statement last week and 'Scamanda' was born. Note where the judgement was levelled - not at West... at Amanda.
Because the internet collectively decided this was less about a man and more about a line between friends. The ultimate breaking of Girl Code, if you will.
Well, I'm just going to say it, Girl Code is a luxury rule.
Let me propose this very real question: at what point does someone else's ex stop being off-limits and start being fair game?
I'm just going to say it, Girl Code is a luxury rule
Life is not that black and white and love is often messy.
Take my best friends from high school. Jackson and Kate were childhood sweethearts. They were the first couple to get together and were always the perfect twosome at parties and proms.
Then, in our first year out of high school, they broke up. We were all shocked, because I grew up in a small town where marriage and babies was the ultimate goal.
Within a week, scandal hit our small town. Kate was caught on a date with another guy in our friendship group.
The group split up. Everyone took sides. Well, not me - I was out of there as soon as I got accepted into a college far, far away. But word spread.
How could Kate date one of his closest friends? The horror.
But guess what? Twenty years later, they're still together. Happily married, with three kids.
Now, if she hadn't been brave enough to go against what society deems moral, their happy little family, and their very real love, would have never come to fruition.
So, to hell with Girl Code!
It's a luxury rule meant to be broken when emotions, timing and real connection come into play.
Sure, it works when life is calm and everyone is thinking rationally, but let's be honest, it breaks down when life - emotions, timing and real connection - gets involved.
And in the case of Amanda, her life before West was not running smoothly. Like many women who have faced the pressure of divorce, she was spiraling. And we don’t exactly make smart decisions mid-spiral.
I know I sure don’t.
A few years ago, a sexy Farmer, whom I had assumed was the love of my life, brutally dumped me on a night out with friends. And do you know what I did next? I stayed out with the group, drank a bottle of champagne and kissed his best friend.
Was it the smartest thing I’ve ever done? Nope. Was I not thinking straight? Oh yes.
Women in precarious situations tend to have low self-esteem from years in toxic relationships, and that makes us vulnerable. Suddenly that knight in shining armor, who happens to be in close proximity, rocks up and charms the pants off you, and for one brief moment you just want respite.
To get a deeper understanding of how these have played out long-term, and not just from my one friend who got her fairytale ending, I put the question out to my friends and followers because if there’s one thing women love, it’s weighing in on a scandal like this.
One told me she fell for her best friend’s ex after a year had passed. ‘We tried to ignore it,’ she said, ‘but it just kept building.’ They’re now married and, plot twist, she’s still friends with the original girl. She said once her friend found a new man, she was no longer bothered about what her ex was doing.
Another admitted she did the exact same thing and it detonated her entire friendship group. ‘I lost three friends in a week,’ she told me. ‘And he still cheated on me.’ Brutal.
And then there was the woman on the other side of it. Her best friend started dating her ex just months after they split. ‘I felt physically sick,’ she said. ‘But if I’m honest, I didn’t want him back; I just didn’t want her to have him.’
Which, if we’re being really honest, is a feeling more people relate to than they’d ever admit out loud.
The internet collectively decided this was less about a man and more about a line between friends. The ultimate breaking of Girl Code, if you will
In the case of Amanda, her life before West was not running smoothly. And we don't exactly make smart decisions mid-spiral
And before we all start pretending this is some rare moral collapse, it happens everywhere. Even in the most curated, PR-polished circles.
Zoë Kravitz is now dating Harry Styles - famously linked to her friend Taylor Swift. Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift have both orbited Taylor Lautner. Gigi Hadid dated Joe Jonas years after Taylor Swift. Nina Dobrev's ex Ian Somerhalder married Nikki Reed, and eventually the women were all smiling together at dinner.
Dear reader, this happens a lot.
Now, before anyone starts accusing me of encouraging friendship-ending behaviour, let me be clear.
Timing and context matters. There's no doubting some friendships won't survive this, and some probably shouldn't.
If your best friend is still crying over him, maybe don't show up to brunch holding his hand.
But there's a difference between being careless and being human.
I think the reason this topic makes people so uncomfortable is because it hits a little too close to home.
Most people have been somewhere in this situation. Maybe not exactly the same, but close enough to recognize the feeling.
We just prefer to believe we'd handle it better. That we'd be the exception. That we'd never cross that line.
But life has a funny way of blurring those lines especially when the person you weren't supposed to fall for ends up being the one you do.
People love rules until their feelings don't follow them. And friend's ex or not, sometimes those damn feelings just don't let up.
The thing is, you can't control who you fall for.
If you could, I'd be happily married to a fabulous nerd with lots of cash, not constantly falling for the broke bartenders I'm convinced I can 'fix.'
No-one plans to fall for someone's ex. It usually all comes down to proximity and familiarity.
Sure, there are over 8 billion people in the world, but most of us just stick to our little self-made village. Especially after a breakup when you're raw and vulnerable.
So to everyone dusting off their pitchforks ready to hunt down whatever poor woman broke Girl Code just remember sometimes life just doesn't make sense.
Codes don't always apply and what were rules made for if not to be broken?