Social media is a wonderful thing for keeping people in contact. But how truthful are we when we are updating our WhatsApp groups and posting on Instagram?
When I first got the idea for my new novel The Last Week of Him, there were two subjects I wanted to explore: firstly, how an unexpected WhatsApp message can instantly change our lives; and secondly, how well we really know our friends when we mostly keep up with their lives through social media rather than in person.
The Last Week of Him opens when my three main characters receive a shocking unexpected WhatsApp message.
But the question of how well we truly know our friends is asked throughout the whole book and this is something I feel that many people will recognise.
In The Last Week of Him, the three main characters, Nora, Fern, and Clo, grew up inseparable, in a small town in the west of Ireland.
They each left for college and pursued careers in different parts of the world, keeping in touch via the odd WhatsApp message and by sharing their lives on Instagram.
Initially delighted to be back together again under the same roof in their hometown of Belmullet in Co Mayo, their reason for returning unearths long-hidden secrets they have kept from each other, and which they hoped would stay buried forever.
As the secrets unfold, they are forced to question whether they really know each other at all any more and whether their loyalty to each other is strong enough to withstand the shocking revelations.
In the novel, I really wanted to ask the question and have my readers thinking about it: in the age of social media, are we staying close -- or just staying updated?
A 2024 survey by Pew Research Centre across 48 markets showed that 38% of people prefer interacting on social media, while 30% favour in-person, and 32% are neutral. This indicates a global tilt toward digital methods.
Author Ruth O'Leary has taken a deep-dive into how online interactions work.
Younger generations (18-34) are far more likely to favour social media (43 per cent) compared to those aged 55 and older (24 per cent).
The pandemic forced a rapid shift to digital, as we were all stuck indoors, establishing habits of 'remote' social connection that have persisted and increased.
Gen Z and Young Adults are most likely to prioritize digital contact.
Roughly 62 per cent of Gen Z professionals prefer messaging apps for work, and 25 per cent of teenagers report they spend time with friends in person daily, compared to near-universal occasional digital interaction.
For those over 50, social media is frequently used to maintain contact with people they do not see regularly in person.
Nearly 25 per cent believe they would lose contact with certain family members if they stopped using social networking sites.
After the pandemic, some people rushed back into social situations, while others, who may never have felt comfortable in social situations anyway, were quite happy to keep their relationships online.
And of course the workplace facilitated this shift. In professional settings, only 14% of meetings are now fully in person. However, 88 per cent of employees believe in-person interaction is essential for building strong workplace relationships.
We all know that we only see one version of a person's life on Instagram, the one they want to show us. As a long-time user of Instagram, I am no different.
When I was walking the Camino as research for my novel A Week to Remember, I posted early dawn walks through eucalyptus forests and photos of my cold beer reward after five hours of walking.
Did I post pictures of my sore feet or the exhausted version of myself hauling myself up a flight of stairs using the bannisters and my walking poles?
No, I did not.
Social media can be great for keeping in contact, but there are significant downsides.
Social media offers us connection with people all over the world that we never had before. I follow many people on Instagram who I have never met.
Their accounts are mostly about writing or travelling but for those who post a lot, I could probably tell you where they went on holiday, how many times they go to the gym and possibly what they had for lunch if they posted it. That's way too much information to know about a stranger.
But for family members living far apart from each other platforms such as Instagram are a gift.
If one of my children lived abroad, I would want to see as much of their life as possible, even if that glimpse came through Instagram.
For parents and grandparents, it can become a window into distant lives, helping them feel connected to children and grandchildren living thousands of kilometres away.
In my novel my three main characters never returned to live permanently in the town they grew up in. They just return to visit family for holidays.
The Last Week Of Him by Ruth O'Leary is out now, published by Poolbeg.
And even though they only get together to meet in person once a year, they still consider themselves best friends.
When they meet up in person, they always connect and it feels just like old times again.
The downside of following accounts of friends you rarely see in real life is that the curated, filtered versions of their lives can lead to jealousy, FOMO (fear of missing out), and decreased dissatisfaction with your own life.
How do avoid all these negative side effects?
- Recognise that people only show you what they want you to see.
- Unfollow anyone who causes these negative feelings.
- Limit your scrolling time.
- And lastly; we could arrange to meet our friends in person, join an in-person group like a book club or a hiking group, pick up the phone and call a friend to find out what's really going on in their life.
The solution is in our hands... literally.